Catching Up!!

OK - so it's been some time since I wrote.

I have been deliberately weaning myself from the PC for a few days. This is all just getting so damn addictive.

I wake up with this heady rush, shooing everyone off to work and school, cleaning the house, getting the washing done, re-planning dinner, packing the kids sarmies for tomorrow, placating the Heir, and all the time in the back of my mind like a little pathetic voice: "turn me on, turn me on, see who thinks you are worthy to respond to, go on, go on, there are people that are prepared to talk to you - you are normal after all".

And the damded voice will JUST NOT SHUT UP. I have enough guilt issues without having to deal with this shit as well. I will spend as much time on the computer talking to my imaginary shrink - we will call him Dr Dennis - AS MUCH AS I WANT TO.

I have been stressing so much:

• The bloody business is sinking and the taxman as well as every other bloody debitor wants cash
• I am currently unemployed, however I should go look for a job.
• I am too old and overweight to find a job. Realistically speaking. There's a good blog waiting there...
• Mainly: I don't WANT to go look for another job.
• I had a good paying job (even if it wasn't particularly enjoyable) and if Lord & Master of the House did not STUFF IT UP with his dodgy partner deals, I would have still had my job and we would have done well. But listening to your Serving Wench? - Hah!! out of the question. This topic I doubt will ever come up for discussion except for this mention here....
• Mother and mother-in-law living with me. This will be a total seperate blog as clearly this one needs some serious ser-i-aa-s discussion.
• Two brother-in-laws & their wives (read here and my ex best friend) and two brothers and their wives do not contribute one financial cent to maintaining their parent. Clearly another topic rearing its ugly head. A long one at that. This might be just blog nr 1 the way I feel today.
• My step-son who is turning 21 in June is still on our pay-roll/maintenance. Not so much of a thanks there - all I see on Facebook are the party photos. Party?????? With who's money?????? When you are supposed to be studying with who's money?????? Cretin.

My ass is just getting bigger and bigger. Some strange German woman accosted me at the fleamarket and in a very 'gentle'way (she is a Reikimaster (yeah? Oooh! Aaah!) after all) decided she needs to speak to me about my needs, my obvious emotional issues and the fact that I clearly eat as a way to ease my pain and to hide myself behind. :-O

Well - you know when a stranger does this and then insists on hugging you - there are some issues at stake here.

Oh and my cat that I bought in Christmas is not a hugger, That stresses me out even more. I pick the damn thing up to kiss and he pulls a long neck, looks away rather stiffly: says "Meeeeeaaaaauuuuuwwwwww..."and then heads for the bottom om the nearest bed as soon as I can put him down.

I'll tame him yet. He came into my bedroom all by hisself today. One step closer. I'll suck his face off yet.

So Who Am I today?

A bad mood creature who's period started.

Cheerio Buds
Sleep well "Lekker slapies"!

My Little Sickling

Ohhh... what a hectic two days it has been. Young Princling has (what the doctor officially calls) Herp Angina.

What this means, to myself and other moms is: an irratable 3-year old with sores in his mouth, vomiting on the hour, a high fever every 3 hours, whinging and whinging and whinging and does not feel happy anywhere else but on Mom's lap.

So. I smell of puke and sweat - but at least my hair looks lovely (had some time to do it this morning!) and it gave me good excuse to cancel my root canal and toothcap appointment!!

Poor little sickling.

But the doc says there is hope - it is a 2-3 day bug. WHAAATTTT???? Another 24 hours of this? I am going bos already...

Ah..the joys of motherhood.

Health to all!!!

A Visit from My Past

What an interesting day!

Had replies from my old, dearest schoolmates on Facebook. I am so happy to be in contact again with everyone after wondering for so many years who is where and what are they doing...

My stepson, Young Bull, surprised us with his presence. All the way from Durban, nogal. Introduced the new Mrs Bull Wannabe (thank goodness I had the foresight to do my hair and smack on a face). Hm. Chat, chat, chat.

"So, what did you do earlier today?"

"Uh - just came back from the hospital to see the new baby."

Me - stupido stupendo - "what new baby?"

Young Bull: "Oh, my Mom's new baby - she just had another one a week ago. The baby was two months premature."

Silence. Total jaw drop.

(The first baby's birthday is tomorrow. Which makes it two babies in exactly two years for a 40-year old. Eish!)

Hehe. Now imagine that pitter patter of little feet in two years. And this for a self-confessed non-maternal woman... My best wishes to her though.

I love babies. It's when they start moving about when all the stresses begin!

So.

Tonight it is roast chicken rolls with cheese and lettuce for dinner.

Goodnight lovies - sleep tight!

What Does This Day Bring Me?

Morning Anonymous Friends

Groggy this morning. I have a hangover and I didn't even have the pleasure of earning it... Don't know why this headache. Stress-related? Noggin is throbbing something mad.

My day so far: did the washing, cleaned up the same clothes/toys/beds/shoes/papers I cleaned up yesterday morning (exciting stuff this houswife thing), changed The Prince's nappy, fed him 2-minute Noodles, farted around on the Internet.

Very happy to have Internet access after an absence of two months. Signing up on all the websites like a drug-starved junkie who has access to the hospital pharmacy...

Logged onto MySpace (hey! Eddie Grant is my now officially my 'friend'- yes - THE Eddie Grant - does that make me famous too?), logged onto Facebook.
I am stunned by how technologically backward I have been (until now). Half of my old friends and school friends on Facebook - half my family and in-laws too!! Suddenly I am real-time chatting to people and sharing info with people I have not seen in twenty years! Freaky.

No if only Andrew Ridgeley would return my mail... *sigh*.

Still milling around in a dwaal.
Not sure who I am and what I want to do with my life.
Am I depressed?
Is the the start of (no don't say it, don't say it - especially not out loud) a mid-life crisis? AAARRRGGHHH!!!! My womb is still working perfectly for goodness sake!! I am too young for issues and questions like this. Other women older than me are still having children.. When Lord & Master (he of the knife-making and other skills) of The House jokingly suggested this the other nite, he got a good sulk session from me. And now I am asking - is this possible?

Am I really getting OLD?

But I have still so much to do!

I haven't lost the weight - worn all those beautiful clothes I always dream of wearing...
I haven't become a doctor yet.
I haven't been overseas enough.
I haven't made a movie or met a famous moviestar.
I haven't made enough money.
I haven't become one of the popular girls - the soccer mommies who are all dolled up to the T. With their R1,500 hairdo's. Their manicured nails. Their tight little gym asses in designer jeans. Their fashionable diet drinks and waterbottles. The constant snide and catty remarks if you are not one of the 'in'-crowd. The big fourwheelers that they collect their barrage of kids (as well as their neighbours.) Their smooth botox faces and their plump restylene lips. The high round and clearly paid for boobs.

There is just so much I haven't done.

And the realisation is dawning on me that, most probably, I will never do any of it.

I will have this life, where I am not really anyone special. The life in which I am never going to do anything special. In which I will be another human spec on this planet. To be remembered after my passing only by my parents and my children.

Maybe Lord & Master of the House is right. His theory: the meaning of life is your parents and your children. Before and after that is nothing.

So here I am - living the meaning of life.

So why am I feeling so hollow?

Why do this?

Yup, indeed. Why join the ranks and ranks of bloggers? Maybe because I find myself suddenly, at the age of 40, a housewife again, with two toddlers and a pre-teen demanding my time.

Maybe there is comfort in the anonymity of the blank screen in front of me - not questioning, demanding or expecting anything.

Maybe the relief of verbalising what I feel to potentially millions of unknown Agony Aunts...

Maybe I am bored and have nothing else to do?

But for today - baby steps.

More tomorrow. Nighty night my anonymous, uknown friends...