What Does This Day Bring Me?

Morning Anonymous Friends

Groggy this morning. I have a hangover and I didn't even have the pleasure of earning it... Don't know why this headache. Stress-related? Noggin is throbbing something mad.

My day so far: did the washing, cleaned up the same clothes/toys/beds/shoes/papers I cleaned up yesterday morning (exciting stuff this houswife thing), changed The Prince's nappy, fed him 2-minute Noodles, farted around on the Internet.

Very happy to have Internet access after an absence of two months. Signing up on all the websites like a drug-starved junkie who has access to the hospital pharmacy...

Logged onto MySpace (hey! Eddie Grant is my now officially my 'friend'- yes - THE Eddie Grant - does that make me famous too?), logged onto Facebook.
I am stunned by how technologically backward I have been (until now). Half of my old friends and school friends on Facebook - half my family and in-laws too!! Suddenly I am real-time chatting to people and sharing info with people I have not seen in twenty years! Freaky.

No if only Andrew Ridgeley would return my mail... *sigh*.

Still milling around in a dwaal.
Not sure who I am and what I want to do with my life.
Am I depressed?
Is the the start of (no don't say it, don't say it - especially not out loud) a mid-life crisis? AAARRRGGHHH!!!! My womb is still working perfectly for goodness sake!! I am too young for issues and questions like this. Other women older than me are still having children.. When Lord & Master (he of the knife-making and other skills) of The House jokingly suggested this the other nite, he got a good sulk session from me. And now I am asking - is this possible?

Am I really getting OLD?

But I have still so much to do!

I haven't lost the weight - worn all those beautiful clothes I always dream of wearing...
I haven't become a doctor yet.
I haven't been overseas enough.
I haven't made a movie or met a famous moviestar.
I haven't made enough money.
I haven't become one of the popular girls - the soccer mommies who are all dolled up to the T. With their R1,500 hairdo's. Their manicured nails. Their tight little gym asses in designer jeans. Their fashionable diet drinks and waterbottles. The constant snide and catty remarks if you are not one of the 'in'-crowd. The big fourwheelers that they collect their barrage of kids (as well as their neighbours.) Their smooth botox faces and their plump restylene lips. The high round and clearly paid for boobs.

There is just so much I haven't done.

And the realisation is dawning on me that, most probably, I will never do any of it.

I will have this life, where I am not really anyone special. The life in which I am never going to do anything special. In which I will be another human spec on this planet. To be remembered after my passing only by my parents and my children.

Maybe Lord & Master of the House is right. His theory: the meaning of life is your parents and your children. Before and after that is nothing.

So here I am - living the meaning of life.

So why am I feeling so hollow?