Will I Remain a Child Forever?

Is it possible to love and dislike (I can't use the word hate here in the traditional sense - because it is not hate I feel) you mother at the same time?

Let me set the scene.

My mother, bless her soul, has been living with us for the last eight years.

My father passed away three (it will be four come September 12) years ago, leaving my mom on her own.

Yes - my mom lives INSIDE my house.

My mom is a woman with serious obsessive compulsive tendencies a very tidy nature.

My mother is a typical trying to please everyone / feeling sorry for herself all the time and not shy to let you know that Pisces.

Make no mistake. I appreciate everything she does around the house for me. It's just sometimes I wish that she would let me do it by myself.

I am on my way to change the Heir's nappy (we are still potty training - boys are so slow with this), and my mom will shout from the lounge: "Have you checked his nappy yet?"

*Sigh.*

We wake up early, the Heir & I.

We quietly make our way to the lounge where we bond, spending some quality Mother/Son time, by watching something as non-violent and innocuous as Tom & Jerry. Yeah, right. That programme should have been banned LONG ago.

Hardly ten minutes have passed.

"Morning."

"Morning."

Other social pleasantries and niceties follows.

I have to listen (again) that she couldn't sleep last night because she didn't want to take a sleeping tablet.

"Why did he cry so much last night?"

"He didn't. I was about five minutes this morning around 5:30."

"No he did. For a long time. Eventually I had to block my ears!"

"No he didn't. It was five minutes, because I refused to let him stick his hand under my arm. (Habit that I am desperately trying to break. Don't ask.) I told you I started putting my foot down two nights ago and should you hear him wailing in the night, that you understand why he is crying."

"Oh. I thought his tummy was sore." (The Heir is currently suffering from constipation - too few veggies currently on the family menu - which should be rectified by tonights dinner.)

"No. It wasn't."

"Have you given him his asthma medicine yet?"

"Yes."

"Have you changed his napppy yet?"

"Yes."

"Has he eaten something?"

"Yes - half of the bowl of oats you see standing in the kitchen."

Silence. I can now hear her brain ticking over to see if she can double check me on something else.

Some time has passed.

"I have done the washing - it is still on the line. I will bring it in, then tumble it for a few minutes then we can fold it up."

Silence. "Actually, no, I do not wan't to do the washing. I want to sit here with my son and watch Eastern Mosaic. Or Free Spirit. Or watver the hell else it is that I want to watch on a Sunday morning.". "Sure. Thanks."

So she carts the basket through. And proceeds to dump them ON TOP OF MY BED. (Obviously some time has passed as the Lord And Master of the Manor wouldn't take kindly to being dumped by (although clean) washing in his own bed.)

And off she goes, to a (not often) pre-planned weekend away with her sister.

Finally.

FREEDOM!!

(Even she left all the washing on my bed - forcing me to deal with it.)

I end up feeling like the child in the house.

I sneak away with my kids and hide in the garden when she goes on one of her 'cleaning/shrieking' sprees. (Aimed at my kids).

And yes, it is all my fault.

I admit.

When I was working my mom ran my house and looked after the kids.

Now, I have stopped working, and she is still running my house. I have lost control. I have ended up one of four children. And the worst is, when she treats me like a child, I can feel that sullen teenager immediately respond accordingly...

Any discussions that does not focus on ME BEING THE EVIL results in a barrage of tears and fears, with my mother asking shoulds she move out (yeah - like where to??), me feeling like the witch of Endor...

Eish...

We bought the house with the big garden so that we could build on cottages, which never realised due to inflation hikes and cost of living.

I don't see it happening soon either..

Hey - maybe I should go borrow my brothers camping tent and set up home in the bottom of the garden. Hehe.

Oh and to add to this, my mother-in-law ALSO lives with us.

No there is something for you to get your brain around.

By themselves I can cope with each, but together, it is a nightmare, as my mother tries to boss my mom-in-law the same way. With the same result.

So I end up with the two elderly ladies bickering away in the kitchen while we are trying to watch something on TV.

And they are both hard of hearing (even they damn well refuse to admit this).

SO we have this cacophony of pots, dishes, cutlery, the kettle, my mom ordering Princess 1 and Mother-in-law around, mother-in-law and my daughter ignoring her to their best capability while having a conversation in their loudest voices.

Eish.

Yet. Their is no-one else I trust with my children. Everything I learnt, I learned from her - so I know her decisions are good. If I am sick - there is no-one else that I want. She is the one bringing the medicine, takes over whatever I have to do, sorts out the house and the kids, makes me a cup of tea, pulls the blanket over me.

But like I said to her before - YOU are the one who trained me, trust that I will do it right!

But it's so hard for her.....And it's hard for me too.

I have come to depend on her so much. Giving up control means I don't have to worry so much.
But it means I also cannot moan & complain, as I have allowed it.

I fear taking back control.

What if I cannot cope? What if I cannot maintain the pace and the control?

I cannot fight the grind of a daily life and my mother simultaneously. It is too much.

What to do? Because surely I have to do something.

I cannot spend my day like a drug addict in a anti-depressant fuelled happy cloud while my & my children's lives pass me by...

Something has to give up somewhere...

But is it really that bad?

Am I not just really lazy? I have to ask myself this question in order to be fair to my mom. Isn't it easier to just let her take over everything and then moan and bitch to whoever will listen that I can't be supermom / supergran / supereverything like her?

This week, I am alone with the kids and the house. Like, in no parents. Like real grown-ups with their own children. Like other people.

Daunting, as this hasn't happened in 8 years. (Mother-in-law is still visiting in Durban).

It is going to be a few days of self-exploration (not that kind sicko). To see whether I am capable and how I will cope.

Maybe this is the gap I need.

But what if I am successfull and she comes back - we always fall back into her routine.

Time will tell.

Watch this space.