Ughhh!! I think I have it....
....writer's blog....
I have nothing to say that is new.
Or maybe my life is just so tedious- doing the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again on a daily basis.
To the extent that I have nothing new to discuss. Nothing exciting to tell.
Am I stagnating?
Is this not what I wanted? To be a stay-at-home mom?
Did I not promise my husband that if I could stay home, I will be a good mom, I will loose all the weight, that I would do this that and the other, finish this project, start that one, help him with his knife making?
What happened to all of those promises?
Am I a liar?
What am I doing during the day? Where are all those hours going? I can hardly say I am blogging them away - because I haven't been writing anything (well hardly anything). So what have I done?
Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning.
Doing washing for 7 people twice a week.
A lot of cooking (even though my mother-in-law is supposed to be doing the cooking as part of our household arrangement).
Ferrying the kids from school.
Assisting the gardener in the laying of the bricks for a wide, flat walkway outside so mother-in-law doesn's break a hip on her way to her room.
(God forbid as she 1. AGAIN gambled all her pension money out, resulting in the 2. non-payment of her medical aid, then 3. (secretly) borrowed R4,000 (U$533) to go to England to go visit her other son. But I am not allowed to say anything.)
Ha - but let my mother do something wrong (which inevitably she does on a regular basis) then I am expected to immediately deal with it..
Why are there two sets of rules for our mothers?
Is it because I am now a housewife and no longer earning 'hard' (i.e. measurable in cash terms) income that I am now a non-entity? Am I now just another 'spunger' that has to hold her two cupped hands out and be grateful that she is allowed to live? Shut up because I am not 'working', thus not 'contributing'and therefore have to mind my place?
Must I now start feeling guilty about everything? Anything I buy for the house / the kids?
Make NO mistake. Nothing of the sort has ever been said. Aloud. But I do get the feeling in the silences. The no comments when you expect them. The odd shrugs. The rare comment about money. You know..
Is it fair for me to stay at home?
What am I doing as my kids are as undisciplined if not even MORE spoilt since I have been at home?
Have I made a difference being at home?
What is my objective? What is it that I set out to do?
Am I lazy?
Is this fair on my husband? Am I trying to punish him? For what? Why?
Should I not go and look for work and once again leave the kids with the two mothers to raise?
Am I not allowed to want to raise my kids by myself?
Who Am I?
What do I want??????
Am I unneccessary?
....writer's blog....
I have nothing to say that is new.
Or maybe my life is just so tedious- doing the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again on a daily basis.
To the extent that I have nothing new to discuss. Nothing exciting to tell.
Am I stagnating?
Is this not what I wanted? To be a stay-at-home mom?
Did I not promise my husband that if I could stay home, I will be a good mom, I will loose all the weight, that I would do this that and the other, finish this project, start that one, help him with his knife making?
What happened to all of those promises?
Am I a liar?
What am I doing during the day? Where are all those hours going? I can hardly say I am blogging them away - because I haven't been writing anything (well hardly anything). So what have I done?
Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning.
Doing washing for 7 people twice a week.
A lot of cooking (even though my mother-in-law is supposed to be doing the cooking as part of our household arrangement).
Ferrying the kids from school.
Assisting the gardener in the laying of the bricks for a wide, flat walkway outside so mother-in-law doesn's break a hip on her way to her room.
(God forbid as she 1. AGAIN gambled all her pension money out, resulting in the 2. non-payment of her medical aid, then 3. (secretly) borrowed R4,000 (U$533) to go to England to go visit her other son. But I am not allowed to say anything.)
Ha - but let my mother do something wrong (which inevitably she does on a regular basis) then I am expected to immediately deal with it..
Why are there two sets of rules for our mothers?
Is it because I am now a housewife and no longer earning 'hard' (i.e. measurable in cash terms) income that I am now a non-entity? Am I now just another 'spunger' that has to hold her two cupped hands out and be grateful that she is allowed to live? Shut up because I am not 'working', thus not 'contributing'and therefore have to mind my place?
Must I now start feeling guilty about everything? Anything I buy for the house / the kids?
Make NO mistake. Nothing of the sort has ever been said. Aloud. But I do get the feeling in the silences. The no comments when you expect them. The odd shrugs. The rare comment about money. You know..
Is it fair for me to stay at home?
What am I doing as my kids are as undisciplined if not even MORE spoilt since I have been at home?
Have I made a difference being at home?
What is my objective? What is it that I set out to do?
Am I lazy?
Is this fair on my husband? Am I trying to punish him? For what? Why?
Should I not go and look for work and once again leave the kids with the two mothers to raise?
Am I not allowed to want to raise my kids by myself?
Who Am I?
What do I want??????
Am I unneccessary?
2 comments:
Runnnnnn..... come and visit me!!! You need a break :-) Seriously, I cannot imagine myself in your situation, I will not be able to cope with what you have taken on. You must be superwoman, or something like that. It must be one of the most stressful situations you can ever be in - having a live-in mother and mother-in-law!
Wish I could get you over here for a quick coffee or something.....
What can I say....Africa is not for sissies...
I'll survive, as long as I have my 'bitch'outlet and your support, I will cope....
:-)
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